ok. the cockroach story. shudder.

so i come home from the gym at approx. 11 PM last week, feeling fresh and clean and happy after running and sauna-ing and showering. i took off my shirt to change into my PJs when i notice a huge, and i mean, GINORMOUS cockroach (literally 2.5 inches in length. literally.) on the top left ledge of my (standing) closet. gag.

so i jump approx. 10 feet (inches) in the air and am freaking out when it like, notices me and runs across my closet. i go into the bathroom and grab the first thing i can think of to spray it (409... yeah i'm useless, whatever) come back out and spray it, and it falls off the right side of my closet, and i appropriately scream. (obviously)

then i'm thinking it probably fell on the floor/ran under my closet so i'm like what do i do now?!? when all of a sudden it runs on the wall of my closet (yes, it's running horizontally) and i practically trip over myself in my hurry to escape, when..

THE MOTHER FUCKING COCKROACH FLIES AT ME.
(excuse my language)

i really can't handle this kind of fear so i run towards my bed while the dirrrty f-er is like gag hovering on my precious orange Victoria's Secret halter dress and i'm trying to handle my fear while contemplating my next move when...

IT FLIES AT ME AGAIN.

and i hide under my covers when i see it coming for me, and then i grab a shirt, run out of my room and ferociously knock on my neighbor's door to beg her to kill it for me. i'm so terrified i can't even speak straight i'm stuttering like a fool while trying to tell her where it is and she needs to please kill it. i stand in the hallway while she bravely attacks the MONSTER.

after she kills it i asked her to hit it a couple more times and step on it just to be 100% sure (i mean, it was  that big) and then i had to beg her to please wrap it in a tissue and throw it away for me, because the thought of touching it or seeing it at all made me want to throw up.

i couldn't sleep all night out of sheer terror.
can't even remember the last time i was so scared i wanted to jump out of my skin.
and i can't even look at my dress without feeling a little sick. =(